How cold is it?

Just a few little degrees out there this morning.

So, how COLD is it in Whiting? Well, it's sooo cold...


...that a farmer's breath condensed to a brick of ice in front of him, fell and broke his foot.
...that a woman knocked herself unconscious just by using hairspray.
...that special squads of firemen have been assigned to chiseling dogs free from hydrants.
...that the local restaurants are only serving coffee on a stick. And they're selling soup by the block.
...that even the teeth in my comb are shivering.
...that locals are driving Zambonis to work.
...that we had to spread salt in the hallway.
...that inhaling gives you brain-freeze.
...that the cows are only giving soft-serve.
...that the fire in our fireplace just froze.
...that police at a crime investigation were studying mitten prints.
...that when I went to take a hot shower all I got was sleet.
...that I caught our cat climbing into the toaster.
...that the chowder place down the street has started selling by the slice.
...that an ice cube's chances in Hell are starting to look pretty good.
...that when I tried to read the newspaper, it cracked.
...that flushing has become a distant memory.
...that the birthday boy in a neighbor's house received death threats from his family for trying to blow out the candles on his cake.